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Simona Amanar interview MIS-translated

Google strikes again

This time, I’m going to do something about it

Simona and Alexandru, around the time of the 2007 interview.

Deluxe (screen name), in a comment, sent me a link to a 2007 print interview with Simona Amanar.  The point of his comment was to try to explain to me how the second “a” in Amanar is pronounced.  If I understood right, it is pronounced like the “i” in our English word “shit.”

He sent the interview link so I could see that, in fact, it’s acceptable in Romania to spell Simona’s last name “Aminar.”  I saw that in the headline, but, of course, I couldn’t read the interview, since it’s in Romanian and the few Romanian words and phrases I know are mostly vulgarity (which Deluxe has taught me).

So I put the interview page through good old Google Translate.

Below is the “translated” version of the interview.  Because Google has its head up its ass as far as translating from one language to another goes, there are always some weird phrases that show up and stand out.  I took some of those phrases and bolded them and put in front of them a numeral, which corresponds to notes at the end of the interview.  This way, you can get a whole new take on one of the greatest gymnasts to ever compete.

Here is the original interview in Romanian.

Here is the “translated” page.

(Note: in the “translated” interview, Simona is regularly referred to as “Delay” and “Postponement,” rather than just plain “Simona.”  Don’t ask me how that happened.)

Here’s the interview.

EXCLUSIVE deferred Simona: (1) I live a second life!

Simona biting her nails at the 1998 Chunichi Cup, mid-way between Atlanta and Sydney.

Simona delay (photo) is one of the most valuable gymnasts of Romania, (2) particularly noting the jump in the sample. She competed at high level between 1994 and 2000 and retired after the Sydney Olympics. At this time, (3) Simon tries to recover from childhood, with her son

SportM: You started gymnastics at six years, why this sport?

Simona delay: I was very small and my parents chose this sport. At first for me was a game, because (4) I threw into the den of sponges. But during this game has become more serious one. I really liked the beginning and I did not sorry that my parents chose for this sport. If I did gymnastics, I would have liked to do figure skating.

SportM: In 1994 you had the first year senior and a first-world, team gold. How did you feel with Milosovici and Gogean?

Delay: It was very hard, but (5) I was very happy that I managed to get along with Lavinia Milosovici, I always wanted to be the senior team. I helped the team and in 1995 I took my first individual medal, gold on vault.

The 1996 Romanian Olympic gymnastics team, left to right: Simona, Mirela Tugurlan, Alexandra Marinescu, Ionela Loaies, Gina Gogean, Lavinia Milosovici.

SportM: We can say that the Olympics in Atlanta have received the chance of a lifetime when you replaced it in the final at (6) Alexandra Marinescu individual compound?

Delay: I had a chance I missed it because I made it the medal. And others have had the chance to participate and have not received any medal. I was qualified for the final, but was only fourth on the team and the three were allowed to participate in the contest. (7) I was lucky that I give way to Alexandra and although much has been said, was not my decision, but the coaches and the federation. I’m glad I disappointed that I managed to get a medal.

SportM: What pleasant memories of the remaining World Cup in Lausanne?

Delay: I was world champion on vault, deserved and expected a medal. I have so many memories, but this is my dearest. And was second in the individual compounds, Svetlana Khorhina [sic], which I always struggled, especially in the individual all-around competitions.

SportM: Olympic Games in Sydney can be called the height of your career?

Elise Ray, a U.S. team embarrassment, getting ready to fall on her ass in Sydney because of a mis-set vault.

Delay: (8) Given what happened in Sydney, with that podium, and has not happened to win and the team and individual all-around podium, I think was the top career. Especially I want to finish the competition head on. Sydney was the largest race and I think the gold from the team says a lot.

SportM: Returning to the problem of the individual gold medal in Sydney, you think Andreea Raducan will be able to regain medal?

Delay: I want very much to get this medal, will be very difficult, because a regulation is very difficult to attack. (9) I when I accepted this medal, I accepted it because it is in Romania. Even if you do not accept it, all I was champion for so decided those Olympic Committee. But both me how and Maria Olaru Andreea Raducan we support as much as possible.

SportM: You were part of the national team for nine years, during this time of practice gym at the highest level. Feel some repercussions on health, after all these years?

Delay: I had problems, but I was lucky because I had to get surgery or go through difficult times, the other gymnasts. I have back pain, the ankle, but it makes sense.

SportM: You have won many trophies, you are part and Hall of Fame, with (10) Mindresti you most?

Delay: I am proud to Sport Award trophy which we won in 2000. Are the two Romanian Nadia Comaneci after having this trophy. (11) He [Nadia] was awarded in London on Open section, and an Oscar in the sport. After several years I have been accepted and Hall of Fame – something that shows that my results of exercise many people remained in memory. Without being immodest, we deserved this trophy!

MICHELLE OBAMA: Nadia, congratulations on your gymnastics Oscar. You've made us all proud! NADIA: Well, is not easy being successful with husband who is stupid. But then I guess you know all about that . . .

SportM: Who belongs in Hall of Fame?

Postponement: In our country also includes Nadia Comaneci, Bela Karoly [sic], Daniela Silivas, Catherine Szabo and Aurelia Dobre. May are gymnasts from Romania that should enter the Hall of Fame.

SportM: Once you give up exercise, what you did?

Postponement: When I dropped in the first place I graduated. After a year I got hired, we work in a school and a kindergarten, because I needed to do something. (12) I preferred antrenoratul because I know what to do performance. (13) We trained a group of children at school, I really proud to have participated with the children in a competition where I have won. After I finished school and kindergarten, I got hired as an assistant at the University of West. Now are the Romanian Gymnastics Federation and Vice. We tried to make as many gym.

SportM: Why did you choose you to stay in Timisoara?

Postpone: We chose Timisoara because, being in Deva, I was more easy for me to go to study here. What I was determined to stay and my husband, whom I met at Lavinia’s wedding in 1999. (14) We married and have a baby, it is very good!

SportM: Do you ever tempted to and train?

Delay: (15) yet, no! There are not prepared to train and, in addition, I want to deal as much as family and son. I want to live with him through it. I can say that I am a young mother and family we do not compare with what I did before. Second life is like for me, was the first gym.


I think this cover is actually better than "I live a second life!"

1. “I live a second life!” The headline on the interview is as good as the shit we see on tabloids.  It makes you wonder what kind of “second life” Simona could be living.  She was pretty low-key and borderline boring as a girl during her competitive years, so: Crossdresser?  Prostitute?  Leader of a drug cartel?  Cheating on her husband every chance she gets?  If nothing else, Google has got us interested in reading further.

2. “. . . particularly noting the jump in the sample”  This may mean that Simona was found to be one of the most valuable gymnasts in Romania after doing a sample of gymnasts from many countries, and when they got around to American, Simona was looking particularly golden.

3. “Simon tries to recover from childhood, with her son”  Her son, Alexandru, was not quite 5 years old when this interview happened, so I’m not sure how much use he was in helping “Simon” recover, but more power to both of them.

4. “I threw into the den of sponges” I bet Romania is the only gymnastics nation with a den of sponges.  It sounds kind of spooky, especially if you capitalize it: Den of Sponges.

5. “I was very happy that I managed to get along with Lavinia Milosovici” Maybe Milo was more of a pain than we had thought.  I would have expected Simona to say she was happy that she managed to get along with Gina Gogean, who even Belu pulled his hair out over.


It's highly unlikely Alexandra's compound was anything like Auschwitz.

6. “Alexandra Marinescu individual compound” So first we have the Den of Sponges, now we have Alexandra Marinescu individual compound.  I wonder what kind of compound it was.  Adolf Hitler’s compound for the Jews in Auschwitz was no picnic, but I doubt Alex was that vicious, unless Belu and Bitang were the only inmates.

(Yes, I know this stupid story isn’t very funny, but I can’t think of anything funnier at the moment.)

7. “I was lucky that I give way to Alexandra” Yeah, she “give way” to Alex, all right.  Alex was so distraught over being “give way” to that she gave way to one of the worst beam performances in the history of gymnastics.

8. “Given what happened in Sydney, with that podium, and has not happened to win and the team and individual all-around podium, I think was the top career.”  Can you imagine if Simona talked this way in her native language?  Hell, her English is better than this convoluted, tangled-up shit from Google.

Notice in the interview linked in the paragraph above, Simona, in talking about her son, says, “Yes, I’m a mother, I’m marry, I have a boy, she have eight years.”  You think it’s possible that Simona learned English through Google Translate?

9. “I when I accepted this medal, I accepted it because it is in Romania. Even if you do not accept it, all I was champion for so decided those Olympic Committee. But both me how and Maria Olaru Andreea Raducan we support as much as possible.”  Either you know what she’s talking here about before she started talking, or you’re shit out of luck.

A house in Mindresti, Romania.

10. “Mindresti”  The reason I’m foot-noting this isn’t to point out how Google totally aborted the interviewer’s question, but to reinforce what I was saying earlier about what Deluxe told me about the second “a” in Amanar being pronounced like a short “i” and sometimes being actually spelled with an “i.”

A city in Romania, Mindresti, also called Balta Mindresti, is sometimes spelled Mandresti, but in that case, surely it’s pronounced as if the second letter is a short “i.”  In the first link in the previous sentence, good luck learning anything about the city, because I think Google may have had a hand in setting up that website.  In the second link, as I write this, it’s -8 degrees in Mandresti.  God help us. 

(One thing I think I do know is that Mandresti is pronounced without the “i” at the end – right, Deluxe?)

11.He [Nadia] was awarded in London on Open section, and an Oscar in the sport.”  Here we go again with Google’s inability to differentiate personal pronouns.  They always use “he” where “she” is correct, and vice-versa – just like Simona did in the video interview earlier, referring to her son as “she.”

So Nadia was awarded in London on Open section (???), plus he won an Oscar in the sport.  Here’s my idea of Nadia’s late acceptance speech.

NADIA: First of all, I will thank husband Bart Conner, because she help me learn English even though I obviously don’t teach her shit about how you pronounce gymnasts’ names.  Also I can thank coaches Bela and Marta Karolyi, specially Marta for all the work he put into me on the beam. [Calling Marta a “he” might not be all that inappropriate.]  Finally, I think United States for giving me a home and all kind of money.  In future I promise to do better and work hard at getting Shawn Johnson out of this sport, since all he do is embarrass whole goddamn country.  Thank you.

12. “I preferred antrenoratul because I know what to do performance.”  The word I caught on here was “antrenoratul.”  On a regular Google search, I couldn’t understand shit within all the links it brought up, but it seemed like it was a Romanian word, based on what little I know about that language (aside from vulgarity).

So I clicked one of the links, and of course it went to a Romanian-language site.  So I put the site through . . . that’s right – Google Translate, and based on what came back, I think “antrenoratul” is either a soccer team or a heart attack.  You can look at that here.

(This shows you how fucked up Google Translate is.  If I could read Romanian, I could get through Simona’s interview in about ten minutes or less.  But since I can’t, I’ve already spent about two hours working on this motherfucking story, that probably nobody will read all of, anyway.

Yang Yilin was the type of child gymnast Simona could beat easily. In this shot, she reminds me of Moceanu on beam in the Atlanta EFs.

13. “We trained a group of children at school, I really proud to have participated with the children in a competition where I have won.”  This proves that even after retirement, Romanian gymnasts can still beat a bunch of school children in gymnastics.

14.We married and have a baby, it is very good!”  Shouldn’t that read, “. . . she is very good”? assuming we’re talking about her son.

15. “. . . yet, no! There are not prepared to train and, in addition, I want to deal as much as family and son. I want to live with him through it. I can say that I am a young mother and family we do not compare with what I did before. Second life is like for me, was the first gym.”  Google strikes again with a paragraph that makes absolutely no sense if you don’t already have an idea of what Simona is saying.  At least they got the “him” correct . . . assuming “him” refers to Alexandru and not the family as a whole.

As in: “Do you love your family?”  “Oh, yes, I love him very much.”

Okay, I’ve had it with this thing.  The good thing for me and for the majority of you is, we know Simona’s story well enough to sort through all the idiocy Google feeds us in this interview.

Now I have to go find something funny to write about and hopefully answer some comments, which are staking up again.  If you’ve written comments, be patient – I will get to her.


Romanians slimmest in EU

Obviously a recent study –

Not one conducted when fat Raducan and Maria Olaru ballooned into tanks

Back when they were normal, on the AA medal stand in Sydney, L-R: The great Simona Amanar, Andreea Raducan and Maria Olaru.

In November, 2011, wrote about a Eurostat study that determined that Romanians are the slimmest among all the European Union nations.  Since not all Romanians are female gymnasts, I found that pretty interesting.

“Obesity” is defined as a Body Mass Index (BMI) over 30.  You can learn what BMI is here and measure your own.  In Romania, the study found that only 8 percent of women and 7.6 percent of men were obese.  Compare to the United Kingdom, with 23.9 percent of women and 22.1 percent of men classified as obese.

Another interesting finding in the study was that in the 18-24 age bracket, 16.6 percent of U.K. young women are obese, while in the same bracket in Romania, just 1.6 percent are.

How Andreea and Maria could have tipped the scales

Ooh la la, Maria! Still has a few pounds to go.

One-point-six percent.  That’s a damn low number.  Good thing that study wasn’t done about nine years ago and totaled up the total weight of the Romanian population and divided by the number of test subjects, because fat Raducan and Maria Olaru would have totally skewed the results.

(I’ve written about this before, but I’m going to go with a different angle so no one can accuse me of trying to get extra mileage out of a story that didn’t go over all that well to begin with.)

After the 2000 Olympics’ All-Around champion and the same Olympics’ bronze medalist retired, they gained some weight.  Okay, they got fat.   There USED TO BE an active video of the two of them in the story linked above, but the user on YouTube removed it.  But you can read about the video within the story.

I managed to find one more video of these two, one filmed when they were shopping in Penang, Malaysia in 2003. They didn’t appear to be as hefty in Penang as they were when they were trying to figure out how to knock a cannon off it’s underpinnings, but they were still pretty big, especially Maria.

But take my word for it, in the video that no longer exists, they were fat.  How fat???

Andreea Raducan on the right, participating in a Jazzercise class in 2003.

Andreea was so fat, Bitang took a picture of her at Christmas 2003, and it’s still printing!

(Off we go!)

Maria was so fat, Romania gave her her own zip code!

Andreea was so fat, every time her beeper went off, people thought she was backing up!

Maria was so fat, one time she was standing alone on a street corner and a cop came over and said, “Okay, break it up, break it up!”

They were fat, I tell you!

Andreea was so fat, her cereal bowl came with it’s own lifeguard!

Maria was so fat, she found out Just My Size is nowhere near her size!

Andreea was so fat, she made extra money at the beach in Constanta selling shade!

Maria was so fat, one time she was drinking with a friend in a pub and she said to her friend, “Your round,” and the friend said, “So are you, you fat pig!”

I’m not kidding – these two were FAT!

Andreea was so fat, when she wore high heels, she struck oil!

Maria was so fat, when she went into restaurants and they gave her the menu, she just said, “Okay!”

Andreea was so fat, two guys could make love to her at the same time and not even meet each other!

(I told you this would be a different angle!)

Maria was so fat, she walked in front of the TV set and her mother missed three commercials!

Andreea was so fat, she told her boyfriend, “Let’s go to the zoo,” and he said, “If they want you, they’ll come get you!”

Maria was so fat, her measurements were 36-24-36.  Her other arm was a little bigger.

(Yeah, Sarah’s on a roll, and you can’t blame alcohol, even though I’m drunk!)

Andreea was so fat, she could lie down and stand up and her height didn’t change!

Maria was so fat, when she got her shoes shined, she had to take the guy’s word for it!

Andreea was so fat, when she jogged, she made the CD player skip . . . at the radio station!

And finally . . .

Maria was so fat, she stood outside in a snow storm and four Swedes with pickaxes tried to climb her!

And that’s how fat they were . . . . . . . .

Okay, that’s enough making fun of two of the best gymnasts to ever put on a leotard – even if they did have to use a shoehorn to get into them!

This is the type of shit I have to look at all day. If I go to Compton.

Anyway, the point is, Romanian people are taking care of themselves, and U.K. people are not.  But here’s something even worse than all the fat-asses in Britain: In the United States, my own wonderful fat country, the Eurostat study found 26.8 percent of women and 27.6 percent of men are obese!  Jesus Christ, God help us.  Of course, everybody wants me to become obese because they think it’ll help me, but I’m not going to do it.

Right at this moment (I just went in the bathroom to pee and I weighed) I weigh EIGHTY-SEVEN POUNDS!  Oh, my God – and then I went to the site to calculate my BMI, and it said


Then I realized I mis-typed and somehow hit a 6 after the 7, making it 876 pounds, the combined weight of fat Raducan and Maria Olaru after they retired.  I fixed it, thank God, and found out my BMI is 17.0.  Not good, but at least a HELL of a lot better than all the fat people I have to look at every day.

Pray for me that I won’t become one of them.



Deluxe (screen name) sent a video of fat Raducan in the comments section – I had seen that video before, but forgot about it.  I’ll post that here along with three  great photos of Andreea and Maria after they got their bodies back into normal shape.  Thanks, Deluxe!

Just lovely.

They're sitting in things that their stomachs used to resemble.


Andreea and Maria, back to skinny.

A reader’s awesome Top 10 gymnasts list

Obviously I’m not the only person who knows what she’s talking about

Reader “Monica” points out the travesty of A-Suk, Mary-Lou’s fat ass, and Raducan’s no-longer fat ass

A reader who I haven’t heard much from, Monica (screen name), read my story on the greatest gymnasts, and she sent in a Top 10 list that’s every bit as good as the one I put together.  So, since I’m not talking about my private life drama soap opera these days, I wanted to show you this AWESOME list.  Monica is in bold maroon, I’m in unbold.

God help us.

10. Alicia Sacramone, for somehow pulling off one of the greatest feats of all time by tricking her way into the olympics.

No shit.  My first thought was: “Who did she sleep with to get into the Olympics?”  But then I realized, if she had slept with somebody at, say, USA Gymnastics or the Irritating Olympic Committee (IOC) or whatever, she NEVER would have made it to Beijing.  Maybe the question is: “Who DIDN’T she sleep with?”  Either way, like Monica said, it was one hell of a feat.

(Alicia in that pose in that picture reminds me of Monty Python’s “Mr. Gumby.”  What do you think?)

9. Amy Chow, for being the only member of the mag 7 who doesn’t make me sick.

You gotta love Monica’s honesty.  She has less tolerance than I do.  I am actually fine with Amy and Amanda Borden and Shannon Miller.

8. Svetlana Boginskaya for the porno-esque eyes and lips.

Boginskaya could have done porn, no problem.  I honestly wish she had chosen that path instead of gymnastics, then I’d never have to look at her.

7. Olga Mostepanova, who would have whipped fat-arse Mary-Lou had she had the chance.

Plus Olga didn’t have to go to the bathroom every ten minutes.

6. Lilia Podkopayeva, for the awesome nickname if not anything else.

That nickname (Lilipod) has always made me think of something dirty, but then I’m basically filthy, anyway.  But I will add to Monica’s “nickname” reason that fact that – and I could care less what anybody else thinks – but I totally believe Lilia and Elena Piskun had it going on . . . as well as two girls like that could have it going on.

"Close your fingers, Elfi, else you'll miss the damn bar and further embarrass Canada!"

5. Elfie Shlegel, possibly one of the most innovative and famous gymnasts in history.

Elfi was very innovative.  In her 10-year career she placed 22nd in the All-Around at the 1978 World Championships; 30th in the AA at the 1981 WCs; and didn’t place at all at the 1983 WCs.  Elfi did, however, rake Alexandra Chevtchenko and Mirela Tugurlan over the coals in quite a dramatic fashion and shoot off her mouth and make an ass out of herself at every competition she worked.

4. Andrea Raducan for getting her post-career weight gain in check.

It was a miracle, but Andreea managed to do it.  For awhile there, it looked like she was going to get as fat as Shawn Johnson.

Anybody who didn't fall instantly in love with Mo Huilan had serious psychological problems.

3. Mo Huilan, for the beauty spot and chicken dance.

Mo’s beauty spot (I guess it’s a mole, or maybe a birthmark) was really cute.  I can’t place the chicken dance.  But who cares, because Mo was a pleasure to watch ANY time she competed.

2. Kim Gwang-Suk for turning 15 3 years in a row.

Yeah, and two of those times she was missing both her front teeth.  Personally I love Kim, and I have no problem that she competed as a 9-year-old when she was only 14.  Or was it an 8-year-old when she was 15?  Either way, here is a girl that time truly forgot.  (Or never even knew about.)

1. Svetlana Khorkina, how could she not be number 1.

Unlike some others, Khorkina didn't HAVE to take off all her clothes to make a point.

Well, I didn’t put Khorkina on my list because that would be degrading her.  This shit about calling Boginskaya “The Queen of Gymnastics” is ridiculous.  Khorkina is the ONLY Queen of Gymnastics and the ONLY gymnastics diva.  She was bigger than the sport, so I kept her off the list.

Thank you so much, Monica, for this list.  Thank you for sending it and sharing your feelings, and thank you for giving me something to make a story out of that was actually fun for a change and didn’t require a hell of a lot of work on my part.

The rest of you: please send your lists!


Happy Birthday to 2 gymnasts and 1 big-mouth with knockers

Today is the day Andreea Raducan and Aliya Mustafina were born

Oh – and Moceanu, too.  We don’t want to forget about Dom!

Elite Gymnastics Stars (i.e., me) wants to send a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY wish to 2000 Sydney Olympics All-Around gold-medalist Andreea Raducan and to 2010 World Championships All-Around gold medalist Aliya Mustafina.

Because I DID enjoy watching her as a kid, and because a guy on a forum once said of her, “If I had a nickel for every time I ruined myself to Dominique Moceanu during 1996 Atlanta, I’d buy a handle of Maker’s Mark,” I should wish her happy birthday, too, since she was also born on this last day of September.


Beautiful Andreea isn't a tank anymore!

Andreea Madalina Raducan was born in 1983 in Barlad, Romania, a city in eastern Romania, near the border of Moldova.  In 1900, around the time Chusovitina was struggling to make the Russian senior national team, Barlad had 25,000 residents, a quarter of which were Jewish.  In 2002, the city had grown to about 79,000.  Who knows how many were Jewish by then.

As everyone who knows anything knows, Andreea was stripped of her AA gold medal from Sydney by the IOC (Inexcusable Olympic Committee) after testing positive for pseudoephedrine, the drug in our Sudafed.  You can read more about that travesty of justice on the links below.

The drug that took Andreea’s gold

The final nail in Andreea Raducan’s gold-medal coffin lid

Barlad, Romania.

Fortunately, Andreea’s teammate, the great Simona Amanar, won the silver medal, so when they gave the gold to Simona, she just went back home with it and gave it to Andreea.

Right after retirement, Andreea ballooned into a tank with Maria Olaru, but she quickly got that in check and turned into a very classy, beautiful young woman who any normal man would be proud to date and do whatever else with.



Aliya Mustafina.

Aliya Fargatovna Mustafina was born in 1994 in Yegorievsk, Russia, which is in the western part of the country, about 70 miles southeast of Moscow.  Preliminary results from the 2010 census show there are about 68,000 people living there.

I don’t know that much about Aliya, so I’ll keep this brief (because I’m going to have plenty to say about Moceanu in a minute, and I don’t want this thing to take all night).

I haven’t written a lot about Aliya, mainly because I avoid most “modern” gymnasts and gymnastics events.  I did write about “The Hookers of Round Lake,” which included her.

As far as I know, Aliya will be competing at the 2011 World Championships, set to start on Oct. 6.  But maybe she won’t be.  Blah blah blah.



Dominique Moceanu, when she was ruin-worthy.

According to mythology, Dominique Helena Moceanu was born in Hollywood, California in 1981.  Personally I believe she was born in 1982 and they lied about her age.

But either way, being born in Hollywood might have made for good PR and something interesting for John, Tim and Elfi to talk about when Elfi had nobody to pick apart and crucify, but if I was Dom, I’d want to hide that fact.

Hollywood is a fucking shit-hole dump, and anybody who has been there knows it.  It’s a city known for its sleaze and filth and drugs and rock and roll and SEX – all of which I support, but Little Moceanu was basically a decent girl, until she went to the Cayman Islands when she was 17 to have sex with a married man named Brian.

Dom’s biggest career accomplishment came in 1996, when she single-handedly led the “Magnificent Seven” U.S. gymnastics team to the Team gold medal at the Atlanta Olympics.  It wasn’t easy for the other, lesser six girls having a star of the magnitude and charisma of Moceanu on the team, and this excerpt from my “Moceanu’s Christmas Carol” story shows why.

(Dominique was led by the Ghost of Gymnastics Past to view a scene of her and her teammates in the locker room at the Atlanta Olympics.  Today’s Dom looks on as the 14-year-old Dominique is bent over by a locker, stretching her hamstrings.)

AMANDA: I can’t believe I forgot to pack my tape.  Dom, you have that extra roll, do you mind if I use some of it?

MOCEANU: I need it.

AMANDA: You have three rolls.

MOCEANU: I said I need it.  God, what’s your problem?

JAYCIE: Dom, stop being a fucking bitch.

SHANNON: Come on, Jaycie.  Amanda, you can use my tape.  I brought extra in case somebody needed it.

MOCEANU: Oh brother.

KERRI: (Picking at a blister on her foot.) Is tonight the Team Final or the Event Finals?  I always get those two mixed up.

MOCEANU: Don’t you know anything?  Don’t you even pay attention when they tell you stuff?  (Looks up at the ceiling.)  God, it’s such a trial to lead this team.

AMY: Dom, don’t be rude.

DAWES: Yeah, cause I’m getting sick of it.

JAYCIE: I’ve been sick of it ever since we got to Atlanta.

MOCEANU: (Goes into splits.) What are you sick of, Jaycie?  You’re sick of barely making this team?

JAYCIE: I’m sick of you!

MOCEANU: Why?  Cause I’m the National Champion, and you lucked out with bronze cause you got a Christmas present for your sloppy vault?

JAYCIE: You’re such a fucking cunt.

SHANNON: Jaycie, stop, okay?  Don’t let her get to you.

MOCEANU: Yeah, you better listen to Shannon, since she’s like old enough to be your mother.

(Shannon goes into the bathroom.  Amy and Amanda call after her to come back.)

MOCEANU: Let her go.  Who cares?

JAYCIE: (Walks up to Dominique and kneels down in front of her.)  If you keep this up, I’m going to fucking break your arm, and you’re gonna need a Christmas–

Dominique spits in Jaycie’s face.  Jaycie jumps on Dominique, and the two girls go rolling around on the floor, screaming and trying to slap each other. Kerri and Dawes manage to break it up.

This isn't Hollywood, where Dom was supposedly born, but minus the dog and the cattle, it's about the same thing.

These days, Dom is up in Cleveland with her doctor husband, Mike, and her two little kids, promoting herself as a person who is famous for being famous.  She has had fat periods and not-so-fat periods, but through it all she has been shackled with Sacramone-size knockers, so I don’t have a lot of faith or trust in anything she says.

But I am happy to admit that I really enjoy watching her performances in 1995, when she won the U.S. Nationals championship, and 1996, when she won the Olympic Team gold medal for America.  I just wish she hadn’t had to grow up.  And out.  And I wish she didn’t have such a big mouth and crappy taste in clothes.  And makeup.



PS: Deluxe: thanks for the reminder!

Revisiting an international gymnastics tragedy

I hate looking at fat gymnasts

But for Andreea Raducan, I’ll endure it

Deluxe sent the video below, which is in Spanish, so it’s not going to make sense to anybody.  But we all know the theme: Andreea Raducan was stripped of her RIGHTFUL All-Around gold medal at the Sydney Olympics by the Idiotic Olympic Committee (IOC).

In this video, she has retired and has stopped looking like Bugs Bunny and has begun to look more like a beach ball with eyes.

I was actually considering taping a piece of paper over the bottom half of the screen so I wouldn’t have to look at her knockers.  (You want to see her REALLY fat, go here.)

Because I thankfully don’t know Spanish, I’m guessing the point of the video is another go-through about how Andreea got fucked by gymnastics.  For you Shawn and Nasty fans, who believe those two girls invented gymnastics, I’ll recap briefly.

Recap of the Raducan controversy for Shawn and Nasty fans

The 2000 Olympics All-Around gymnastics gold-medalist.

Andreea Raducan won the gold medal in the All-Around at the 2000 Olympics in Sydney.  (Sydney is a city in Australia.  Australia is a country in the world.  The world is the big round thing we all live on and you can get cell phone reception just about anywhere.)

Prior to the All-Around competition, Andreea’s team doctor gave her a drug called pseudoephedrine, which is a decongestant and is in our Sudafed.  Pseudoephedrine was one of the many drugs on the “banned list” of the Insane Olympic Committee (IOC).

A few days later, a hearing was held, and cute little talented pretty short and skinny Andreea was STRIPPED of her gold medal for violating the rules set forth by the Incompetent Olympic Committee (IOC).

Andreea’s gold medal was given to Simona Amanar.  Simona’s silver medal was given to Maria Olaru.  Maria’s bronze medal was given to Liu Xuan of China.  (Fortunately, nobody gave Elise Ray anything, until 10 years later, and by then who gave a fuck?)

Upon returning home to Romania, Simona gave the gold medal back to Andreea, saying, in essence, “Here, take it, I don’t want it.  It probably gonna bring me fifteen more year of bad luck.”

I assume Maria gave Simona her silver medal back, too.  I don’t know what Liu Xuan did with the bronze, but I know she never wanted it.


One of the truly great moments in Olympic history. It's right up there with Zamo blowing smoke out of her pistol.

At one point in the video, we see Andreea walking around and doing a little gymnastics with knockers that would make Sacramone jealous.  It’s so sad how when some gymnasts retire, everything they eat goes right to their chests.

A little later, she’s in the gym, bouncing around. Bounce, bounce, bounce.  It almost made me seasick.  If Andreea wasn’t so sweet and pretty and such a respectable, worthy champion, I’m not sure I could have handled watching it.

Fortunately, Andreea lost the majority of those knockers in the ensuing years and is close to back to normal these days.

It’s just such an alarming contrast to Sydney, when she didn’t have a SINGLE knocker, much less two that were all the time threatening to topple her forward and turn her into Julissa Gomez.  What a little cutie she was back then, and what a great and deserving champion.

I know the whole of Romania agrees with me when I say: GIVE ANDREEA BACK HER GODDAMN MEDAL!  SHE WON IT, FAIR AND SQUARE!

If you agree, write some comments here.  Maybe one day Andreea herself will read this website and realize that, even in this crazy house of mine, she has plenty of supporters.



Here are two more in-depth stories about Andreea’s woes plus a funny Top 10 List.

The drug that took Andreea’s gold

The final nail in Andreea’s gold-medal coffin lid

Top 10 slogans created by the makers of Sudafed after the 2000 Sydney Olympics

Why aren’t these Romanians smiling?

Because winning team gold isn’t like getting on a ride at Disneyland

Plus: What the Mag 7 were thinking on the medal stand

I just got through watching the Team Finals medal ceremony from Sydney.  The short version is the only version I have, but it was enough to impress upon me, once again, the difference between Romanians and Americans.

Here’s the clip.

Right at the start, while the audience cheers for them, you catch a few smiles from Simona Amanar, Maria Olaru, Andreea Raducan, Andreea Isarescu, Claudia Presecan and Loredana Boboc.  But once their national anthem starts playing, the team demeanor changes dramatically.

Poor Claudia. Anemia never did her any good.

With the highly emotional but let’s-face-it-pretty-dreary Romanian song blasting in the background, it looks like the girls are suddenly on their way to their own executionsClaudia looks like she’s already been executed.  Simona appears to be praying that her mother won’t think less of her after her (Simona’s) head is rolling around in the dirt.

Although Raducan was symbolically executed at these Games, by the Incompetent Olympic Committee (IOC), none of the girls were really killed.  What you’re witnessing here is called NATIONAL PRIDE.

Especially in Team competitions, the last thing Romanians are ever thinking about is “every girl for herself,” the way the Americans habitually do.  They’re a team and a family.  The motto is: “Country first, team second, self third.”  The U.S. team motto is, “Wow – thank God I’m not Romanian and can’t get endorsement deals!”

Go back four years

In Atlanta, because of numerous reasons – raw talent sure as hell not being the only one – the U.S. girls won the Team gold medal.  You’ll notice a very different attitude on their parts in the clip below, compared with that of the Romanians above.

Granted, Kerri was spaced on narcotics by that time because of her ankle, so she goes from laughing to crying to bewildered at moments’ notices.  But check out the others.  They seem pretty pleased with themselves, don’t they?  Before the national anthem starts playing, they look like a bunch of kids preparing to get on a ride at Disneyland.

The Magnificent Seven.

When the song does start, it certainly doesn’t do much in the way of stirring up their emotions, does it?  I’ll tell you what I think they were thinking up there on the medal stand:

Dominique Dawes “I wonder if there’s someplace we can get tacos after this.”

Dominique Moceanu “This sounds a lot different than all the other versions I’ve heard of ‘America the Beautiful.’”

Kerri Strug “We represent the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild . . .”

Amanda Borden “If I’m the team captain, shouldn’t I have a hat or something?”

Amy Chow “God, I hope I don’t start my period . . . wait – I don’t have a period anymore!”

Jaycie Phelps “I’m gonna kick Dominique’s (Moceanu’s) ass as soon as we get back to Emory.”

Shannon Miller “Tatiana was soooooo overscored, but it doesn’t matter because I’m here and she’s fat. ”

Wrapping it up

I’ve spent a lot of real estate on this site pointing out the differences between Romanians and Americans.  If anybody has more to point out, feel free to leave comments.  And if you think I’m too hard on the U.S., comment about that, too.

And if you know where Kerri’s line above, “We represent the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild . . .” came from, tell everybody else.


Answers to the Moceanu quiz

Somebody wrote and said what good is a quiz if you don’t give people the answers to grade themselves with?  That makes sense.  So here are the answers to the Moceanu quiz.


Bart better not fuck up his wife's name!

1. Bart Conner had trouble pronouncing this gymnast’s name.

The correct answer isall of the above,” which I forgot to write in.  Another suitable answer is “every gymnast with more than two syllables in her last name, except possibly Nadia for fear of getting his ass kicked.”

2. She’s the only gymnast to have possessed both a bronze and a silver Olympic All-Around medal.

The correct answer is D. Maria Olaru rightfully won the bronze AA medal in Sydney, then when the Idiotic Olympic Committee (IOC) stripped Raducan of her gold and gave it to Simona, Maria moved up a slot to silver.  Liu Xuan, who was more beautiful than any of the Romanians, moved up to bronze, proving that beautiful girls don’t always win.  Bridget Sloan is another proof of this.

3. This gymnast single-handedly changed the entire course of women’s gymnastic, even though she didn’t really do shit in her short career.

The correct answer is C. Moceanu’s career may have been short, but she turned the tide of gymnastics.  Key reasons for this are 1. She was cute and boys wanted her; 2. She was able to stick her routines approximately 75 percent of the time; 3. God helped her perform with a stress fracture, because “without God there was no way I could have done it.”

This car door doesn't stand a chance against the Jaws of Life!

4. After a trip to the Cayman Islands as a teenager and two children as a so-called “adult,” this gymnast’s husband is complaining that having sex with her is like throwing a hot dog down the hallway.

The correct answer is D.  My guess is that after sunny days and moonlit nights of endless sex with Brian Huggins in the Cayman Islands when she was 17 and two babies with current husband Mike, Dom is similar to the door of a car after they use the Jaws of Life to get a trapped passenger out of it.

5. This gymnast was horribly overrated.  (You can pick two.)

The correct answers are A and D. Bogi was overrated because people and judges thought she was better than she was.  Moceanu was overrated because people and judges thought she was good.

6. This gymnast is horribly overweight.  (Back to one choice.)

The correct answer is B. Although in some (probably retouched) photos Dom looks relatively non-fat, she definitely has a propensity for gaining weight.  Plus she has a lot of muscles and she elected not to have knocker-reduction surgery, so most of the time she looks like one of those lesbian women who compete in monster truck pulls.

7. In the photo, Dominique, naturally, was the only one eating.  So why did Daniela pull Dom’s plate away from her?

Example of a correct essay answer: “Daniela knows it’s not good to eat like a pig.  And she knew Dom was the type who would eat everything in sight if no one intervened.  Like the time Dom and Mike went to The Olive Garden and Dom ate so fast and furiously, she came home and shit a waiter.”  (52 words.)

Aurelia was not your average gymnast.

8. It is rumored (thanks to me) that Aurelia Dobre once got this gymnast’s curling iron stuck in her vagina.

The correct answer is D. It’s anybody’s guess why Daniela did her hair like that back in 1988, and it’s my guess what kind of trouble her curling iron might have got into, so to speak.

9. This gymnast is really lucky that Daniela, Svetlana and Maria agreed to be seen with her in public.

The correct answer is D. (The way this thing is going, you could have just answered D for everything and you would have passed!)  It’s clear that Daniela, Svetlana and Maria would have preferred to eat alone, but one of them (probably Bogi) felt sorry for Dom and asked her to come along.

10. One time, Marta Karolyi slammed this gymnast’s head into a telephone, and the gym got a $585 phone bill after the head accidentally dialed Egypt and they left the line open for 14 hours.

The correct answer is A.  Dominique has wasted no opportunity to criticize the Karolyis for getting her national exposure and putting her in the position to win an Olympic gold medal.  If I was Bela and Marta, I would have sent Dom a bill for the phone call.

Okay, I’m re-burnt out on WordPress, so it’s time to retreat to the shadows for a little while longer.


Couldn’t pass this one up

Yes, I am semi-retired (at 19) . . .

. . . but I can’t pass up a chance to knock Moceanu

Three ladies plus Moceanu.

My friend “Deluxe” (screen name) sent me a photo that I just couldn’t ignore, so I have emerged from the shadows to take a few minutes to make fun of Dominique Moceanu.

In the photo, you see four former gymnasts sitting at a table.  But that’s where the comparison ends.  If you keep up with older gymnasts, you know those in the photo are (clockwise from front left) Daniela Silivas, Svetlana Boginskaya, Moceanu and Maria Olaru.

But I want to test you to see how much you know about these three ladies plus Dominique.  So here is a fun quiz for you to take.

1. Bart Conner had trouble pronouncing this gymnast’s name.

A. Dominique Moceanu

B. Daniela Silivas

C. Maria Olaru

D. Svetlana Boginskaya

(Okay, that’s a trick question, because Bart has trouble pronouncing EVERY fucking name.)

2. She’s the only gymnast to have possessed both a bronze and a silver Olympic All-Around medal.

A. Svetlana Boginskaya

B. Dominique Moceanu

C. Daniela Silivas

D. Maria Olaru

3. This gymnast single-handedly changed the entire course of women’s gymnastic, even though she didn’t really do shit in her short career.

A. Maria Olaru

B. Svetlana Boginskaya

C. Dominique Moceanu

D. Daniela Silivas

4. After a trip to the Cayman Islands as a teenager and two children as a so-called “adult,” this gymnast’s husband is complaining that having sex with her is like throwing a hot dog down the hallway.

A. Daniela Silivas

B. Maria Olaru

C. Svetlana Boginskaya

D. Dominique Moceanu

5. This gymnast was horribly overrated.  (You can pick two.)

A. Dominique Moceanu

B. Daniela Silivas

C. Maria Olaru

D. Svetlana Boginskaya

6. This gymnast is horribly overweight.  (Back to one choice.)

A. Svetlana Boginskaya

B. Dominique Moceanu

C. Daniela Silivas

D. Maria Olaru

(Note: being a tank while hanging out with Andreea Raducan after retirement doesn’t count.)

7. In the photo, Dominique, naturally, was the only one eating.  So why did Daniela pull Dom’s plate away from her?

(This is an essay question, so you can write your answer in 200 words or less!  There is no wrong answer, as long as you include something about Moceanu being fat.)

8. It is rumored (thanks to me) that Aurelia Dobre once got this gymnast’s curling iron stuck in her vagina.

A. Maria Olaru

B. Svetlana Boginskaya

C. Dominique Moceanu

D. Daniela Silivas

(see “Raluca in Love.”)

9. This gymnast is really lucky that Daniela, Svetlana and Maria agreed to be seen with her in public.

A. Daniela Silivas

B. Maria Olaru

C. Svetlana Boginskaya

D. Dominique Moceanu

10. One time, Marta Karolyi slammed this gymnast’s head into a telephone, and the gym got a $585 phone bill after the head accidentally dialed Egypt and they left the line open for 14 hours.

A. Dominique Moceanu

B. Daniela Silivas

C. Maria Olaru

D. Svetlana Boginskaya

Okay, that’s the end of the quiz.  How did you do?  Did you get all 9 multiple choice questions correct, and did you write a good essay for number 7?  If you think you may have answered any question incorrectly, write to me in the Comments section, and I will steer you in the right direction.

Like I’m running in anything close to the right direction.


Spot the Romanian gymnast

A 2005 show has a bunch of them in it

Help me fill in the blanks

Mariana Bitang and Octavian Belu.

On this AngelFire site, there are seven pages of clips from a Romanian TV show taped in September 2005.  From what I can gather, it’s the retirement party for Octavian Belu and Mariana Bitang, when they couldn’t take any more and turned the reins over to Nicolae Forminte.

If you like Romanian gymnastics, you’ll enjoy watching all the clips.  NOTE: you can only navigate pages 2 through 7 from the main page, so you’ll have to go back to it when you finish each page’s clips.  They play on WMV or whatever your default player is.

A very fun clip from the show has been posted on YouTube.  It shows a woman singing a song – “Honey Honey,” coincidentally, the same song someone used to make a montage about Andreea Munteanu, who I wrote about here.

Belu and Bitang dance, and then all kinds of gymnasts go on the dance floor and dance, too.  I’m not the best at recognizing retired Romanian gymnasts, but I did recognize a few.  I would like you to comment with the names of the ones I missed, so we can recognize all of them.

I spotted

Simona Amanar – lavender dress

Andreea Raducan – patterned shirt, jeans

Lavinia Milosovici – tan pants and jacket

Gina Gogean – white jacket, black pants

Maria Olaru – black pants, black long-sleeve shirt

Alexandra Marinescu – long red dress

Oana Ban – avocado-green (or dark gold) top, black pants

Also, if anybody knows anything about this show, tell us about it.


3 Musketeers: “Girls Gone Wild!” III


“Girls Gone Wild!” Part 3

Deva, Romania
National Training Center
June, 1996

MILO: Welcome back everybody to part 3 of working out with me and Gina and Simona!  This time we talk about mental conditioning.

GINA: Yeah, cause mental conditioning is maybe just as important as physical kind.  If your mind is weak and sloppy like American gymnast unless Karolyi train them, then you not gonna be good for nothing, especially gymnastica!

SIMONA: Gina got that right.  To take as example, when I compete at 1995 World Championship, I go into last event, beam, with chance to take lead in All-Around.  But I get distracted and have two big balance break and stumble on landing.

GINA: You got distracted cause of Podkopayeva.

SIMONA: Yeah but for mental toughness, gymnast can’t get distracted by things like that.

MILO: Don’t remember that distraction you mention.  What happen?

SIMONA: Not a big deal.  Podkopayeva was just–

GINA: She was over there flirting with Piskun, like she always do, only she start talking loud and saying stuff like, “Oh, boys chase me all the times, and I just tell them bye-bye, cause I had my fill of it!”  Like she ever got filled by anything.  And Simona, she sitting right there trying to prepare for beam, and Piskun goes, “On vacation, Papa taking me to beach.  You go with me and we eat snow cone and make sand castle!”  And Lilia go, “Never made no sand castle.  Is hard to do?”  Say it like they gonna build Great Wall in China or something.  And Piskun go, “No, is really simple.  I tell you how right now, then you can do it easy on beach.”  Going on like this like couple of fruit-loop when they in the middle of World Championship.

SIMONA: And I let it get to me and screw up on beam.

MILO: You learn anything from it?

SIMONA: Yeah, learn you gotta keep sand wet to make good sand castle or the sun dry it all out!

GINA: Yeah, and I learn Podkopayeva got head up own butt and maybe Piskun’s while she’s at it.

MILO: Well, anyway, Simona tell a good story about how you gotta have concentration.  In your mundane life, since you’re not a gymnast, you can practice easy.  You can practice paying attention to one thing for ten minute.

SIMONA: Like you could be playing with dog or whatever you do.  Just do that and don’t let any distraction take you away from dog.  Then later, when you make lunch, put every focus on cutting up the celery sticks and opening top on yogurt without slinging yogurt all over kitchen.

GINA: Most of these people don’t eat celery stick and yoghurt for lunch like we do here at training center.

MILO: Yeah, so we revise it: when you sitting in line at fat McDonald and fat clerk say, “Can I take the order?” make sure you focus good on menu when you say, “Yes!  I take a Big Mac with a bunch of cheese and then one of them quarter-pounds and two of them big french fry and one of them big chocolate shake.”  Then when clerk say, “What you want to drink?” you say, “Just Diet Coke cause I’m on a diet.”

GINA: That’s why I won’t even go in a McDonald when we’re off competing somewhere, so I don’t have to look at fat people.

SIMONA: Yeah, all kind of fat people in McDonald, but even if you’re fat, you can practice concentration.

GINA: Yeah, then they concentrate when they eat four thousand calorie in one sitting.  I don’t think I eat four thousand calorie all last week!

SIMONA: If I ever eat four thousand calorie at one time, I go in bathroom and purge it!

MILO: Me, too!

GINA: Speaking of purge, here comes some of our colleagues – Mirela, Ana Maria and Ionela.  How come you guys not sleeping during training break?

IONELA: Too hot to sleep.  Plus Alex let us watch that wild girls video, and now we got busy devising plan for us to all get American sweethearts when we compete at Olympics in Atlanta!

MILO: You gonna go to beach on Atlantic ocean and act like bunch of curvas?


MILO: You gonna go in hotel room with boys and drink beer out of tube?


SIMONA: You gonna sit on boy’s shoulders and yank off top and show boobs?

MIRELA: No way!  We don’t even got any boobs yet.

GINA: Then how you think you gonna get American sweetheart?

MIRELA: Just gonna go around looking pretty, like girls on that video.  We only watch two minute, and there all kind of pretty girls with boys following them around.

GINA: Ha!  You watch the rest and then you find out reason they following them.  They gonna get those girls drunk and do sex on them.  That’s why they follow them.

ANA MARIA: Not gonna let no boy in Atlanta do sex on me!

MIRELA: Me, too!

IONELA: So boys in America just want wild girl so they can do sex?

MILO: Yeah!  You think they just gonna put you in the car and take you to eat somewhere?

SIMONA: They gonna take you to McDonald, where you get four thousand calorie, then take you to hotel and get you drunk then do sex on you!

ANA MARIA: All that is on Alex video?

MILO: Yeah!

MIRELA: Don’t get it.  Why does Alex like it so much then?

GINA: Cause Alex a nutcase.  She think just cause she pretty and boys write her letters all the time that she gonna go over in America and be a girls gone wild and find a sweetheart.

MILO: We gotta have a talk with Alex.

SIMONA: You three know where Alex is now?

IONELA: Yeah, Coach Belu hanging her outside the window and she got this big old machete.

ANA MARIA: And she chopping vine and singing that Batman song!

GINA: Miracle she can remember all the words.

MILO: Okay, well, as usual, we get distracted from teaching about how to not get distracted.  Guess we ought to wrap it up now and go out and check on Alex.

MIRELA: We were thinking on using big fireman safety net to hold under Alex in case she fall.  You guys can help us!

SIMONA: Where you get a safety net?

MIRELA: Andreea gonna sell us one to help raise money for charity.

MILO: Oh brother.

GINA: Yeah, Andreea gonna turn into Bill Gate before all this is finished.

SIMONA: So we gonna go outside and hold net for Alex so she don’t break neck, and we gonna concentrate real hard on it, so we don’t let net slip.

MILO: No matter what you’re doing, you can always practice having strong mind and good concentration.

ANA MARIA: Like I use concentration later to put curl into Mirela’s hair!

MIRELA: Yeah, just buy used curling iron from Andreea, so Ana Maria gonna make my hair a little curly to attract boys!

MILO: Not gonna make it curly like Daniela, right?

MIRELA: No way! Don’t want to repel – just want to attract!

GINA: And you not gonna do anything silly, like when Aurelia get Daniela’s curling iron stuck in the vagin, right?

ANA MARIA: No way!

SIMONA: Bet all kind of boys would have got attracted to Aurelia if they know about that story.

GINA: Aurelia didn’t need no story to attract boys.  She had them lined up outside from what I hear.

MILO: And speaking of outside, that’s where we’re going now to save Alex from three-story fall.  All of you, you practice mental strength, and practice stretching and physical condition too, like we tell you before.  Don’t know what we’re gonna do next time, but whatever it is, we put all the heart into it, like always!