Top 10 Likely Changes to USA Gymnastics if Gabrielle Douglas Becomes the 2012 Olympics All-Around Gymnastics Champion

(This was written yesterday, before I heard the horrifying news this afternoon.)

“Don’t forget the coffee!”

10. Fried Chicken at every practice.

9. Watermelon in every gymnast’s locker.

8. Routine drive-by shootings over leotard colors outside the gym.

7. Gibbon monkeys modeling leotards for the next USAG catalog.

6. New jokes like: Gabby and her mother were on a plane.  Suddenly, over the intercom, which the pilot doesn’t know is on, the pilot says, “You know, Chuck, I could sure go for a cup of coffee and a blow job.”  Hearing this and not wanting the pilot to further embarrass himself, Gabby bolts from her seat and heads to the cockpit to tell the pilot his intercom is on.  Gabby’s mom leans out into the aisle and yells, “Gabriella – don’t forget the coffee!”

5. Miller/Gutsu no longer an issue, when it should be until the earth collides with the sun.

4. Sacramone’s knockers no longer an issue, which they should be until she becomes a transsexual and nobody gives a shit anymore.

3. Shawn who?

2. Finally an opportunity to prove that blacks can do anything whites can do, only not as good.

1. A question that will remain unanswered for the rest of time: We know how old Gabby is, but how the hell old was Kim Gwang Suk?

Posted on August 2, 2012, in WORLD-FAMOUS TOP 10 LISTS and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Did you write this article in between giving blow jobs to black guys? We all know the only position a white woman is comfortable in is on her knees, blowing homies cause she thinks it will piss off daddy.

  2. I’m not sure if you noticed but you’re spouting racist hate out on to a 16 year old girl who already has the weight of entire nations judging her every flaw in what may be a once in a life time opportunity, But if you’re okay with being an ignorant bigot who I hope is just trying to be funny but is really just making an racist asshole out of herself then hate on.

  3. theelectriccane

    1. If this is meant to be funny, it isn’t.

    2. Gabby beat Jordyn at trials, and at the American Cup. Blacks CAN do everything whites can do. They can even be better!

    I’m not black, but I have a disability. I’m sick of people’s attitudes toward minorities. It shows just how ignorant some people are.

  4. Barb Barbakova

    THis is ugly. You should have an adult who cares about you read what you wrote and explain to you how limited is your word view.

  5. GET RID OF THIS WEBSITE IMMEDIATELY!! RACIAL COMMENTS SUCH AS THIS CAN BE VERY HARMFUL TO YOU AND OTHERS!!! YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE AN ATHIEST OR SOME DEVIL CHILD AND LIVING A VERY MISERABLE LIFE..SO YOU CHOOSE TO HATE ON OTHERS SUCCESS AND SHOW HOW IGNORANT YOU ARE! MORE THAN LIKELY YOU ARE SOME UNDER ACHIEVER AND WAS NOT ONLY BULLIED BUT HATE YOURSELF FROM SOME DISGUSTING REASON..

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